


Telling the team

by DODO24



Series: I should have known [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Light Angst, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-29 14:09:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20437310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DODO24/pseuds/DODO24
Summary: So this is the follow up from "i should have known". Takes place about a week later (with a brief summary of the week), they are still at camp and the team becomes more and more suspicious.Chapter 1: Breakfast one morning leads to a bad moment for Chris which might end up being exactly the push that she needed. Tobin is having a tough time, Christen shows her it's okay to be vulnerable.Chapter 2: Christen tells the team, Tobin breaks down





	1. It’s okay to need a hug baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the follow up from "i should have known". Takes place about a week later (with a brief summary of the week), they are still at camp and the team becomes more and more suspicious. Breakfast one morning leads to a bad moment for Chris which might end up being exactly the push that she needed. Tobin is having a tough time, Christen shows her it's okay to be vulnerable.
> 
> Trigger warnings still apply, read the tags before you read the fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well i said that i would be back so here i am. This will be a 2 chapter story about telling the team before i move on to other fics in this series about Christens journey so to speak (if you have ideas about topics i should explore let me know, i'm always looking for inspiration).

Throughout the next week Christen was never alone, Tobin and Ali didn’t leave her side unless they absolutely had to. If they had to leave her side Ash, Pinoe or Kelley were right there to take over from them. The team had noticed something was going on by day 3, Christen wasn’t training with the group and was only seen during meals. During the meals she was cocooned by Tobin and Ali with Ash, Pinoe and Kelley filling the rest of the table. 

The staff had told the team that Christen was suffering from some bruised ribs, trying to explain her lack of training. By day 5 the team had stopped believing the explanation that the staff had given, sure she might be injured but her reclusive behavior wasn’t caused by that. Becky and Alex managed to do some damage control saying Christen was just a little down because she couldn’t play when the team asked. 

By day 7 the team had had enough, it was clear something was going on and they weren’t being told the whole story. When they questioned Jill she just stuck with the story, no matter how unbelievable. Becky and Alex gave them a little more after being cornered, saying that something was going on, but it wasn’t up to them to share what it was. 

It was Mal who ended up giving the final push, she had gone to Christens room to try and talk to her when she found out that Christen had switched rooms. After 3 days the group had decided to split up in search for a bit more comfort. Pinoe and Ash had taken Christens and Tobin’s old room, knowing that Christen wasn’t comfortable returning to the room. Ali stayed with Tobin and Christen In Pinoe and Ash’s old room and Kelley either stayed with Pinoe and Ash or returned to her own room at night.

When Mal figured this out she started bombarding Pinoe with questions and she was determined to get an answer. It took an hour of Mal asking questions and not settling for the answers she got for Pinoe to snap, “ Mal just shut up okay, i can’t give you the answers right now so just leave!” Mal was shocked, no one ever spoke to her like that, she was the baby even if she wasn’t really anymore the vets always treated her like one. Pinoe saw her shocked face and immediately went over to hug her, “I’m sorry for yelling Mal but I’m serious, i can’t tell you right now.” Mal looked at her still a bit confused but she decided to stop asking questions, instead she just said, “I’m sorry Pinoe, I’m just really worried about Chris.” Pinoe knew the moment Christen had to inform the rest of the team would come sooner or later and she guessed sooner was probably the way to go. “I know Mal, just know that she is okay, something happened and she’s dealing with it, but she needs her space right now.” 

Mal had accepted that final explanation but Pinoe knew that they couldn’t keep holding this off, the team wasn’t going to accept this much longer.

The next morning was when everything came crashing down, Pinoe had already planned on talking with the rest of the group after breakfast but she ended up not even having to start the conversation. They had been sitting at their table, Christen in between Ali and Tobin, Ash, Kelley and Pinoe on the other side of the table. As always Ash and Kelley were distracting their teammates, right at that moment they had been throwing grapes at each other trying to catch them with their mouths. They were failing miserably but it got everyone laughing including Christen.

The group had been sitting at the closest table to the entrance with Christen, Ali and Tobin having their backs to the entrance. It was Rose who had come in late that morning, when she saw Christen sitting with the others laughing at the duo’s antics she had walked up to her and hugged her from behind saying “hi Pressi”. It was something the teammates did all the time, Mal used to jump on Christens back, requesting a piggyback ride, it was a normal thing. 

Pinoe turned her head immediately when she heard Christen shriek, Rose still attached to her back having no clue what was going on. Pinoe could see the frightened look in Christens eyes before she saw Tobin getting up and shoving Rose off, making her fall to the ground. Ali had meanwhile pretty much picked up a crying Christen and was in the progress of taking her out of the room. 

The entire room fell silent before Ash and Kelley dragged a very upset looking Tobin with them and Pinoe was left standing in the middle of a room full of confused soccer players. Sam and Emily had rushed over to Rose making sure she was okay before starting a chorus of “what the hells” and “what the fuck is going on”.

Pinoe desperately looked at her two co-captains for help and luckily with the three of them they got everyone to shut up and to sit back in their seats. Pinoe left Alex and Becky to deal with the team for now wanting to see how Christen was doing before being forced into giving information that wasn’t hers to give away.

When she walked out of the room she immediately saw Ali with Christen, they hadn’t made it far, Christen was leaning against a wall with Ali standing next to her trying to help her control her breathing. Ash and Kelley meanwhile had a death grip on Tobin making sure she wouldn’t do anything stupid. They had discovered this past week that when it came to calming Christen down Tobin often was to emotional herself to do the right things and ended up making Christen more upset. 

Pinoe went to stand on Christens other side effectively blocking the view if someone would come out of the room the team was currently in. She saw that Christen wasn’t hyperventilating anymore, which she had been doing when Ali took her out of the room, and she had stopped crying. Ash and Kelley had also managed to calm down Tobin, whose anger seemed to have gone and was now just looking at Christen with worried eyes.

It took about 10 minutes for Christen to say she was okay, an agreement they had all come to during the week. When Christen was upset they would wait for her to say those words before asking her questions or talk about what had happened. “Are you ready to go Chris?” Ali asked in a soft voice, she was surprised to see Christen shake her head. “We can’t go, we have to go back in there,” before they had the chance to start a “you don’t have to do anything” chorus Christen continued. 

“I have to tell them, it’s not fair on them or on you guys, I know they have been asking and I think I should show them that I trust them with the truth. It probably would also make this situation a lot easier.”  
No one argued with Christen when she said those words because they knew she was right, but still they weren’t sure if telling the who team was a good idea. “Are you sure you want to tell them? You could just tell a couple at a time” Ash offered. They heard Christen sigh, “I can’t Ash, that would just force more friends to keep this a secret and besides everyone saw what just happened, they are not just going to ignore that.” 

The group still wasn’t sure, they were all looking at Chris trying to figure out if she was in the right mindset to make such a decision. Christen just looked at Tobin, she never said it, but it scared her when Tobin got mad, not because she thought she would hurt her but that she would endanger herself. Before someone else could speak Christen decided to throw in another argument, she looked at Tobin when she spoke, “this isn’t good for Tobin either.” Tobin looked up surprised, “what do you mean? This is about you Chris.” Christen shook her head, “it’s not just about me, you pushed over sweet baby Rose and you can’t make me believe that you feel good about that. You’re always trying to protect me and I know that stresses you out. You won’t be able to relax as long as the team doesn’t know because things like what happened just now will keep happening.”

Pinoe was impressed with how calm Christen was, she seemed surer of herself now than she had seen her all week. “I think Chris is right, we can’t say nothing after what just happened and maybe the truth is the best way to go if Christen is okay with it. It would make the journey to the Olympics easier since we would have 17 other players to look out for Chris and something like what happened today wouldn’t happen again.”

Ali, Kelley and Ash agreed that it was probably best to tell the team, the only one not convinced was Tobin. 

Christen had decided to take matters into her own hands and grabbed Tobin’s hand to take her with her a little farther down the hall. The rest got the hint and stayed where they were, they had to figure this out together. 

They both stood with a side against the wall, facing each other, Christen was direct in her approach, “Tobin why don’t you want me telling the team?” Tobin as always when she was asked a difficult question, stared down at her shoes, she knew the answer, but she wasn’t sure she wanted Christen to know. Christen however was pretty sure she knew the answer as well, “do you still feel guilty?” Tobin didn’t have to answer, the pained look on her face and the tear that escaped did that for her.

Christen wiped the tear away, keeping her hand on Tobin’s cheek, “it’s not your fault baby, I know me saying that is not suddenly going to change how you feel but I wanted to say it anyway.” Tobin leaned into Christens hand still slowly caressing her cheek, “I just feel like I could have prevented it all. I could have waited to call you that night until you were in the hotel, I could have talked to you when you came home 2 days later, I could have talked to you so many times, but I didn’t because I didn’t know how.” 

“Yes, you could have done all those things but that doesn’t change the situation now does it? The only thing you can do is help me now and baby you have done nothing short of that. You’re always right next to me even when I push you away, you’re always looking around to make sure I’m safe and you have been putting my needs ahead of yours. You have been doing everything you can to make me feel better so please don’t feel guilty, I want to move past this and want to do it with you.” 

Tobin stayed silent for a while, once again staring at her shoes, seemingly contemplating what Christen had said. When she looked up she stared straight into Christens eyes and said, “can I kiss you?”

They had shared some kisses over the past week, Tobin often making Christen laugh by kissing her nose, her eyes and all ten of her fingers, but it didn’t go further than some chaste kisses. Christen knew Tobin wasn’t asking for a quick kiss this time, Tobin wanted to show her how she felt and she had always done that through touching her. Tobin wasn’t a talker and even though she had been trying, she still struggled with not being able to communicate in the way that felt most natural to her. 

Christen looked into warm brown eyes full of love before she nodded. Tobin was careful, she knew Christen had known what she meant when she asked but she still didn’t do more than press her lips to Christens. She waited for a sign that said it was okay, she got it when she felt Christen slightly swipe her bottom lip with her tongue. When Tobin deepened the kiss they both sighed, they didn’t battle for control, they just relished in the feeling of being so close. 

The kiss didn’t last more than a minute, but Tobin had managed to say everything she needed to say. After the kiss ended Christen pulled Tobin in, having her rest her head on her chest. It had been the other way around all week, Christen always being the one that needed comfort and the safety of Tobin’s arms. Tobin had been so strong this week, keeping it together for her but Christen knew it wasn’t going to last. 

Tobin was emotionally drained, the fact that she didn’t fight the hug even with her friends standing just a few feet down the hall told her as much. To soon she felt Tobin lift her head of Christens chest, blushing a little when she realized her friends were still standing just behind them. Christen brushed her cheek again, “it’s okay to need a hug baby” she whispered, Tobin blushed again before she nodded slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the actual telling the team. I wanted to do this in 2 chapters because i felt like the run up to telling the team was also very important, especially Tobin's feelings in this.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr https://hardtchill.tumblr.com/


	2. Why shouldn’t you cry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen tells the team, Tobin breaks down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me longer to write than i had expected but anyway here it is.

Tobin and Christen were snapped out of their little private moment when the door to where the team was still eating breakfast opened. Luckily it was Alex and not another player full of questions who came walking towards them.

Tobin and Christen quickly joined the others again knowing that Alex was looking for an update. “Becky and I got everyone to settle down, but they want some kind of explanation, mostly from you Tobin,” Alex looked at her with a concerned face. Tobin could see the unspoken question, “I’m fine Alex, I just got worked up, I will apologize to Rose.” Alex sent Tobin a worried look but didn’t stray off topic, “have you guys decided on what you want to tell the group because I don’t think telling them another excuse is going to work.” 

They all looked at Christen, waiting for her to speak, “I want to tell them, I trust them and we can’t keep hiding this.” Alex looked at her with a mixture of surprise and pride, “that’s great Chris, are you sure though?” Christen looked at hers and Tobin’s intertwined hands, “yes I’m sure, it’s about time.”

They talked for a bit about how and when they wanted to talk to the team, they ended up deciding that it was probably best to just get it over with. The team was together now anyway and they didn’t have training today, they probably wouldn’t get a better possibility until their next rest day. Pinoe had left the group to go inform Jill so she could make sure that the staff could attend as well. Meanwhile Alex, Ash and Kelley walked back into the room to get a couple things ready and to inform Becky. Tobin went with them to apologize to Rose, feeling that she had to do that before they talked to the team. 

That left Ali and Christen alone in the hall waiting in silence. “Is Tobin okay?” Ali hadn’t really talked with Tobin about what was going on, she had concentrated on Christen while the others mostly talked to Tobin. Christen gave her a sad smile “she won’t admit it, but she is emotionally exhausted.” Ali had already guessed this, Tobin was agitated, the moment with Rose being proof of that. “Is she talking?” Ali had heard Tobin talk this past week, but she always seemed to be struggling to find the right words, “she tries to, but it doesn’t feel natural for her, she is just such a physical person.” 

“Is that why she kissed you?” 

The implication in the question was clear, Ali wanted to know if the kiss was something Christen was okay with. “Yes, but don’t worry, she asked me first and I was completely fine. I know her, when she is this tired she can’t tell me things, she needs to show me, that’s the only way she knows how.” Ali smiled, she could see the love in Christens eyes, “it’s good that she has another way to show you how she feels, I was just wondering because it looked very intimate.”

Ali could see Christen blush, “she is that good of a kisser huh?” Christen was giggling, “she has a very talented tongue,” she was trying to make Ali blush, wanting payback but she wasn’t going to get it. “Really Christen, you do know I live with Ash right? A simple comment like that isn’t going to do it.” The pair continued on giggling, happy to have a moment of fun before they had to go in.

When Pinoe had returned with the coaching staff in tow and Tobin had come out saying everyone was waiting for them Christen knew it was time to face the music. She took a deep breath before taking Ali and Tobin’s hands and started walking.

Ash and Kelley were waiting by the door, holding it open, giving Christen a proud smile. When she entered the room, she could see that all the tables had been cleared and the chairs were put in a wide circle, the team had already sat down. Becky was standing in front of the team looking at everyone with a face that told Christen that Becky had given them a few instructions on how this was going to go.

As soon as Christen had sat down with Ali and Tobin on either side of her, still holding their hands, the questions started. It was mostly Emily, Sam, Mal and Lindsey who were shouting out questions, as if they couldn’t control themselves. Christen was a bit taken back by the voices that were firing questions at her, but before she could answer she heard Becky’s reassuring voice, reminding everyone why she was a captain. 

“What. Did. We. Just. Discuss?” 

Christen didn’t get to hear what they had discussed; everyone had shut up immediately after Becky said those 5 words. The glare that had accompanied the words probably had something to do with it as well. Once everyone had settled down again Becky had sat down next to Alex and nodded at Christen.

They had agreed that Christen would speak, if she wanted to stop or felt overwhelmed Ali or Tobin would take over. 

She took a deep breath and looked around the circle, she paused for a bit when her eyes met Mal’s, she could see the young girls worried eyes. When she moved on she met Kelley’s encouraging eyes and Ash’s proud ones, it calmed her down a bit. She felt Tobin and Ali squeeze her hands when she took another deep breath.

“So, I guess you all know something is going on,” Christen started off, trying to keep looking at her teammates, she didn’t want to mumble her way through this story. 

Christen had decided not to beat around the bush, if she was going to do that it would just get harder to get to the actual story. “A couple months ago after an away game in Orlando I was assaulted on my way back to the hotel.” She heard a couple gasps and saw the shocked faces, she saw Mal’s face show a mixture of anger and sadness. “two men dragged me into an alley and raped me.” She didn’t look at the faces in the circle after she said those words, but she could hear crying and a couple seconds later she felt someone attach herself to her. 

She didn’t have to look to know it was Mal, she could feel Mal push her head into her neck, she could feel Mal’s tears. She let it happen for a few seconds before she pushed Mal off, “please Mal don’t touch me.” She felt bad for saying it, but she knew she had to protect herself, Mal listened and pulled back but she could see the hurt in her eyes. She stood in front of her for some time not knowing what to do with herself before Tobin reached out and pulled the girl towards her. Without saying a word Pinoe had gotten up from her chair next to Tobin and sat down in Mal’s chair. Tobin had Mal sit down before she pulled her in her arms holding her close to her chest, Tobin’s right hand however didn’t leave Christens. 

When Christen looked around the circle again she didn’t see a dry eye, she could see that Pinoe from her new position had reached out to hold onto Morgan and Emily. Ash had Allie secured in her arms and Kelley was trying to calm down Rose and Sam. She knew she had to keep talking or risk not getting another word out.

“I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared but Tobin, Pinoe, Ash, Ali and Kelley found out a week ago, they haven’t left my side since. I couldn’t control myself anymore from that point on, that’s why I haven’t been around you guys.” Christen didn’t say how the group found out, she knew Tobin still felt guilty and she didn’t think it was important to the story.

Christen felt somewhat relieved after she had gotten the initial story out and paused for a while trying to calm herself down a bit. She didn’t want to cry but the tears were dangerously close to falling. The only sounds in the room were the sounds of people crying and others trying to calm the crying players down.

When Christen looked over at Mal she could feel her heart break, Mal’s head hadn’t lifted from Tobin’s chest and she hadn’t stopped crying. Christen released her hand from Ali’s and moved it to Mal’s back, rubbing circles trying to calm the girl down. When Mal felt Christens hand on her back she looked up at her, looking her straight in the eyes, “why didn’t you tell me?” Mal choked out, “The others didn’t find out because I wanted them to, they found out because they found me a week ago completely broken. I didn’t tell you after because I was just broken and i didn’t want you to have to deal with it baby girl.” 

Tobin smiled a little hearing the nickname Christen had given Mal, she really was “mama Press” to Mal. Tobin could feel Mal calm down a little bit, she didn’t necessarily seem to like the reason Christen gave her, but she did accept it for now. 

“Why can’t we hug you?”

Christen heard Rose ask between sobs, she guessed Rose was upset about what had happened at breakfast after hearing the story. The whole team was now looking at Christen again, waiting for her to answer. “It’s just,” Christen started but couldn’t finish the sentence, she didn’t want to tell them that she didn’t trust anyone and that she was scared. She felt the tears in her eyes again, looking down at her lap, she couldn’t explain why she was scared of her best friends. She looked over at Ali, silently asking her to take over. 

“It’s hard to regain trust after you have gone through something like this, Chris has been trying really hard this week to do that, but we have to respect her boundaries. Chris decides who is allowed to touch her, it’s nothing personal, sometimes she feels scared and sometimes she doesn’t. Some people make her a bit more nervous than others but again that is nothing personal, it’s just the way she feels.” 

Christen grabbed Ali’s hand again, giving it a slight squeeze as a way to thank her, Ali really had been her rock this week. Christen felt in control again after Ali had finished talking, “Some people are just easier for me. I always felt safe with Ali, but I had a little more trouble with the two clowns over there.” She said while pointing at Kelley and Ash.

She had tried to lighten the mood a bit, it seemed to work when Kelley and Ash mocked looking offended, the team all smiled a little. “Kelley and Ash have been with me every step of the way, but they bring a different energy which was scary at times. Everyone helped me in their own way and I needed all of them to get to this point. There was no one who could make me talk and see reason like Pinoe could. There was no one who could make me laugh those first few days but Kelley and Ash. Ali was the only one who could truly make me feel safe and no one could make me feel loved like Tobin could. I needed all of them, even if I was still scared to be touched by anyone but Ali.” 

When Christen stopped talking she saw more teary smiles in the circle, they all sat in silence after what Christen had said. 

Christen felt content, she felt like a weight had been lifted of her shoulders, she nodded at Pinoe to start the next part of what this meeting was about. They had discussed this in the hallway, the team needed to know how to interact with her. She didn’t want to be treated as a victim but there were a few things the team needed to know. She listened to Pinoe talking about not scaring her or randomly jumping on her back and to try to ask first before touching her. 

Christens attention on Pinoe wavered however when she heard Mal gently whispering her name, when she turned to look at her she could see why. Mal wasn’t the one being comforted anymore; Tobin was hopelessly trying to keep her tears at bay, but it wasn’t working. One look at Tobin told her that staying here wasn’t an option right now, luckily Pinoe was still engaging the other players while talking about boundaries. 

Ali by now had caught on which caused a chain reaction, Ash who apparently was always looking at her wife had followed her eyes towards Tobin and was in the process of getting up. Kelley caught on quickly as well and followed, they were next to Tobin in seconds while Tobin was struggling to control her breathing through her crying. 

Ash had lifted Tobin up to her feet and was on her way out of the room with Kelley on Tobin’s other side before the team could really tell what was going on. Christen had gotten up and followed Tobin out of the room, telling Ali to stay and help Pinoe, who was keeping the team’s attention. 

Tobin didn’t make it far into the hallway before she dropped down against a wall, knees pulled up to her chest. Christen could see Kelley and Ash debate on what to do, Tobin wasn’t like this, sure she had been upset this week, but she never just broke down. Christen tried to sit down next to Tobin to hold her, but it just resulted in Tobin furiously shaking her head no. Kelley and Ash weren’t allowed to get close either, so all 3 of them ended up kneeling in front of her trying to slow down her breathing. 

After 10 minutes they had gotten her to slow down a little bit, but the crying hadn’t stopped. “What do you need T?” Kelley tried to ask once Tobin’s breathing had steadied enough for her to talk. Tobin didn’t give an answer, but she was looking towards the door, “do you need us to get Pinoe?” Tobin shook her head no, “Ali?” Again, Tobin shook her head no. It felt like they were playing process of elimination, “Allie?” No, “Becky?” No, “Alex?” Finally, they saw Tobin nod yes. 

When Alex came out after Kelley went and got her she immediately went to Tobin, she sank down next to her and pulled her in, this time Tobin did allow it. They saw Tobin hide her face in Alex’s hoodie, her cries slowed down over the course of a few minutes until they could only hear her sniffle. 

Christen tried to ignore the overwhelming urge to pull Tobin into her arms, suddenly realizing how Tobin must have felt every time she asked for Ali and not her. 

They heard Alex ask Tobin what was wrong maybe three times before Tobin felt ready to answer. “I just feel like I need to cry all the time, but I shouldn’t and I guess I couldn’t hold it in anymore,” Alex looked at her with a curious gaze. “Why shouldn’t you cry?” Tobin was still trying to hide in Alex’s hoodie, “because what happened is my fault,” Tobin had said those words in such a soft voice that they could barely hear her. “I shouldn’t cry when it’s my fault it happened; I should be the one fixing it.” 

Christen couldn’t say the words being spoken surprised her, she knew Tobin was emotionally drained and she knew she still felt guilty, she just wished she could fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next fic in this series will be about Tobin dealing with the guilt she still feels, that's why i left the ending kind of open. 
> 
> I hope you like the choice for Alex, it was tough to find the right person for Tobin to open up to but i promise i have a reason which i will explain in the next fic.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr https://hardtchill.tumblr.com/


End file.
